You May Not Recognize Me!

Well hello there, I know it's been awhile and you probably don't recognize me (I hardly recognize myself sometimes).  It's still me, I just have a small animal growing on my face now, and haven't decided exactly how long I will keep it.  If you ask my family, they will tell you I should've shaved it months ago, which is probably why I still have it.  I guess you can say I am a little stubborn.  

The last time you heard from me, was back in November or should I say the start of Novem(beard).  I work (at Lululemon) with a rad group of guys that threw a little twist on the Mo'Vember (mustache contest) and went all in with full beards instead.  December 1st, most guys shaved, but mine somehow stuck around.  A lot has happened since the last time we've chatted, but one thing hasn't changed, my diabetes is still trying to run a muck in my life.  Just to be clear, my beard may look like it has some secret powers like Gandalf, Santa Claus, or even Jesus (no disrespect, just #beardinspiration, below), but no, it hasn't cure my diabetes, but it has kept my face warm up here in Canada.

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Honestly, over the last few months, I haven't discussed my blog because in my mind my diabetes has been winning and I have felt defeated.  I have had tried to pretend I was in control, but my sugars have been running my life and my emotions.  I have felt fear, anxiety and dis-empowered by having this constant threat in my life.  I will go into more detail in later posts about my recent months, but in November, I was hospitalized for the first time in my life because of my diabetes (outside of diagnosis).  This happened while we were traveling in the US and I fought as long as I could before going to the Hospital because I wasn't sure if I was covered by my Canadian insurance.  Another blow that really affected me was my extreme disappointment when Dexcom was finally approved by Canada Health (FDA equivalent) and my insurance at work did not cover my monthly sensors ($340/month), so I have been without a pivotal tool for over 6 months, which I attribute many of my problems.  Or how about, boarding an epic powder day in Whistler, only to have my blood sugar unknowingly shoot out of control towards the 400s mg/ml from having to hike out of waist deep powder and then having to try and adjust at mid mountain.  How can fear and anxiety not run your mind when these things happen? Or when my blood sugar plummets while I am climbing up to my villa in Nicaragua and am trying to frantically call reception in Spanish to explain I need Orange Juice to raise my BS while I am by myself.  When I think back, It still blows my mind I didn't have any serious complications during my college days or when I backpacked through Europe.  Travel lately has been hard, so when I think about when I traveled alone on overnight trains, stayed in random hostels, or when I slept in a park to run with the bulls the following day in Pamplona, it all seems so crazy to me now.

Even though I have felt defeated, I know I have a lot to share about this disease because I live it everyday.  Recently a good friend of mine back in San Diego reached out to me on facebook letting me know he was just diagnosed with diabetes, it was gut wrenching.  I felt so horrible that he was going to have to deal with this awful disease and was trying to think of what I was going to tell him about this disease and what limitations he was going to have and how tough everything was going to be.  I was going to have to tell him how this disease was going to limit his life in so many ways.  Then it hit me, why the fuck would I say any of that?  None of that is true, it actually opened my eyes.  I need to inspire people and share with people the possibility of living a limitless life with diabetes! 

Yes, shit happens, but I have a live-able disease, I am not going to die.  I live an awesome life with a condition that requires I balance and master food.  The only thing in life at this point that seems a little logistically challenging is scuba diving.  I have been sky diving (twice),  bungee jumping in Switzerland, back-country powdercat boarding,  running with bulls in Spain, zip-lining in Costa Rica, surfing in Nicaragua, and backpacking through Thailand. Not to mention, I have completed a triathlon, coach Crossfit and ran a half marathon.  Oh yeah, that sounds much better, I will tell him that! 

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